Attacks on Pro-Natalism… End Up Proving It Right

A critique of New York Magazine’s “Wanting a Child at the End of the World”

At the beginning of the month, New York Magazine featured a piece in its Intelligencer column called “Wanting a Child at the End of the World.” Naturally, I assumed this piece would refer to the struggle of young people to have children when they fear the world is ending soon from climate change. That’s a common enough topic these days. 

But it didn’t go that way, despite its title. 

Instead, this article was a catch-all critique of pro-natalism. The journalist went after every aspect of life, marriage, and family that she could think of. From her unnecessary mention of being against Roe’s overturn to her support of IVF—despite not wanting to go through it herself—to her critique of Restorative Reproductive Medicine as “unscientific bullshit,” the writer makes her political position clear. There are a dozen points I could contest in this short piece. But what I want to focus on is that underneath the anti-natal posturing, at the heart of the article, is a woman who doesn’t realize she agrees with many pro-natalists.

She claims to take the feminist position that marriage and motherhood are traps for women, but goes on to admit the following: “I fell in love with a man who did not want to be a household tyrant and married him. Later, I decided that I did want children, but only with him, because with him, motherhood would not be a trap.”

So avoid marriage and motherhood… unless you choose a good man whom you want to marry and have children with. 

I hate to break it to her, but I agree. 

She seems to have missed the point that most pro-natalists are not advocating for women to marry strangers. Rather, the pro-natal movement advocates for happy, healthy marriages that result in (large) happy, healthy families. In order to have a happy, healthy marriage, young men and women need to find partners who will make good spouses. Spouses who will pour themselves into their marriage and fight for it to stand the test of time. 

In fact, the best advice I could give to someone my own age, or younger than me, would be to find a good person to marry and spend your life with. Once you find that person, have children sooner, rather than later.

Even this clearly feminist writer shares what naturally happens when you marry a good man, that you will want children with your spouse. This is a natural progression that modern thinkers would rather avoid, because it conflicts with our current culture. Getting married and having children goes against the culture’s obsession with autonomy and prioritization of self over all others. 

It seems that while the writer of this article ultimately found she wanted children, she had previously rejected the idea because others–such as the pro-natal movement–urged and praised childbearing. She only wanted to have children if the decision came solely from herself. Similar to a petulant child who doesn’t want to do what he or she is told, although it will be good for them to do so. She doesn’t understand that the good of an action is not lessened simply because others advocate for you to do so. 

Despite the many issues in this piece, this writer and I agree on marrying the right person and having children. We also agree on her conclusion regarding children: 

“A child is not an ideological token, or a replacement for therapy, or a mere extension of her parents. I do not want to have a child in order to make myself feel good or to rescue what’s left of the welfare state. Probably most of us don’t. I like the idea of raising a person.”

I don’t believe anyone in the pro-natal movement has children for the reasons she lists here. I know I didn’t have a child to create an “extension” of myself or “to make myself feel good.” I didn’t even have a child to rescue our nation’s economy, despite knowing the danger we’re in if the U.S. fertility rate continues to fall. I had a baby, and will have many more, God-willing, because I love my husband and value motherhood as a vital calling. I can have children for these personal reasons and know that there will be benefits for our family, community, and, ultimately, our nation, as well. My children will help us rebuild a culture of life.

-

The blogs published on this news site are created by contributors to the International Youth Coalition. The opinions, views, and statements expressed in these blogs belong solely to the respective authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or positions of the affiliated organization.